How I Fucked My Friend’s Mom (Hint: You Can Too)

Obviously fucking your 'friend's' mom isn't really the epitome of brotherly love, but sometimes it's out of your hands.

Let's say for this instance, your friend has actually fucked your mom, and you have to get back at him as soon as possible. Well, there are a few different ways to go about this. Depending on her age, she might be going through some hormonal changes in her body that might... alter her state of horniness at any given time. This is the first of a handful of possible approaches.

  • Fuck Your Friends Mom by Taking Advantage of Menopause

    If her husband is throwing around a red handkerchief when she's not looking, she might be going through something called menopause. This is a special time in a woman's body when she slowly becomes infertile. During the process she (thankfully) gains a lot of extra libido. This means she will be a little extra horny around her 50's this is the best time to try to fuck a hot milf as she'll have to surrender to her high sex drive.

    Go ahead and throw on your finest mash tank-top, put some fuel in the mower, and get to work. If all goes well, X's mom should we intently watching you from the window as your sweat pools on your chest. She should notice this and bring you some ice-cold lemonade to cool off. This is where you make your chance.

    Ask her if she shower is working, then tell her yours is broken and need a place to rinse off. If she's stirring up as she should be, you'll be in her shower with her in so time at all. Now, I know this isn't the set of some porno, but what if you could turn any one of these situations into a fantasy with the right attitude?

    If her husband is home, ask her if she wants to check out your new pool. Even if you don't have a pool, she will notice, and maybe you'll be able to seal the deal by showing her your bathtub.

    All these approaches are too momentary - there's nothing solid to hold on to. Don't worry we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

  • The Casual Approach to Fucing Your Friend's Mom

    Not every mom is going to be wriggling with hormones like the mom I fucked, so we are going to have to find a new method.

    First, you'll want to befriend the mom - be genuine to her and never, EVER talk to her son about her. If your buddy sniffs the trail, then you'll be shit out of luck when it comes to leaving you two alone together.

    It'll do you go to chat her up whenever you can, but it's ideal to do it when nobody is around. You'd be surprised how sexy a casual conversation can be when you're alone with a person, and giving her your full attention - eye contact and all.

    Really try to embed yourself within the household. Even if the husband of the friend says something about you being over all the time, then you can just be polite and apologize. If you give the appearance of being super bummed afterward, it'll probably award you some brownie points from the MILF you're trying to come on to. Then maybe you can meet and fuck somewhere away from her house.

    One of the more direct approaches involves hanging out a little too much at the friend's house. When somebody says something to you about it all, just leave. The next day you should see if you can catch the mom alone in the middle of the day and ring her doorbell. Be sincere and tell her how sorry you are for intruding on their family time so much, but then ask her if you can have a seat inside.

    It's pretty scummy, but then again - so is this entire senerio.

  • The Secret Admirer Route to Banging Your Friend's Mom

    This one only works if the MILF you're pursuing is single or lightly dating. What you're going to want to do is call your local florist and purchase a few roses. Get them delivered to her house/office with a note attached saying "XOXO - your secret admirer" or something like that.

    Keep this up for a few weeks until you're dirt poor and running out of ideas. Once you reach your tipping point - get her alone and walk over to her with some flowers. There's a fork in the road up ahead as far as approach goes here. You could either see the shock on her face and stick around to see if it turns into something else, or you could drop them off and leave her thinking.

    Thinking about her life, her void of marriage, her family, her sexuality, etc. It's not a very friendly thing too; fucking your friend's single mom, but who cares. Kyle fucked your mom, so you should get to return the favor.

    In a perfect world, you could catch her doing some dishes late at night before bed, and you can swoop in with some flowers - or you could start writing her letters. And that'll do it for sure.

    Nothing gets you into a grown woman's pants faster than a few heartfelt love-letters. This is what women really want in romance, and this is how you'll get the chance to show her what women really want in bed. If you want her to take a face-load of your hot glue, you're going to have to show her you burning love first. With so many different approaches in this section, it's hard to choose, but just go with what feels natural.

  • The Hail Mary

    Ok, so if you've made it this far and you still seem to be having some bad luck, try this; it's called The Hail Mary Method.

    It shouldn't really be called The Hail Mary Method has very few steps, but they're risky ones. Before you decide to give this one a try, you might want to really feel out your relationship with your friend first. If this guy is a cool dude and he seems like he could make a good friend for life, then you probably shouldn't do it. However, if he's some hick fucker named Kyle who needs his ass beat for cheating on your Spanish project and then FUCKING YOUR MOM, then go ahead and follow through.

    Knock on her door when you know she's got the house to herself - maybe sometimes between 8-11 at night when she's had a couple of glasses of wine and is feeling frisky. Make yourself approachable, yet grown up. No MILF has ever fantasized about fucking some meek-looking 18 years old who barely has more chin on his hair than a spider has on its ass.

    Man up, maybe do some curls and ask for a glass of wine. Better yet - bring one.

    Now is your chance to make her melt for you. All you have to do is share some common ground, display some kind of vulnerability within yourself, and watch as she caves into her motherly affections and her horniness all at once.

    If this approach doesn't work, then you're basically fucked. Your friend will hate you forever regardless of if you do the deed or not. If it's worth the friendship, then give it a shot. Orgasms are temporary, but friendship lasts forever. Except for you Kyle. Fuck you, dog.

Sarah is online and wants to fuck.